Gratitude for the Women in My Life

My SIL, my cousin, my aunt & me. Girls trip, Olympia, WA July 2013

This journey we call life can be so crazy and I am so very grateful for good friends (some of which happen to be family too!) to share it with. Life is full of excitement, laughter and fun filled days but amongst all of that are the crazy, exhausting days. Days where I really just want to curl up in my bed and cry myself to sleep. Days where I know I don't have all of the answers but just try my best. Days where I pray that I am making the best decision for my kids and for our family. Days where I feel like a complete failure as a mom.  

Thankfully I have wonderful women surrounding me in my life. Women of strength, faith, courage and love. They are women I can always count on, who always lend a listening ear, who I can laugh with, who never judge, who reassure and comfort, who understand and who are inspired. I can truly just be myself around them and share the good, the bad and the ugly. They make me want to be a better person, a better mother and a better wife.

I am certain it is because of these women that I have survived the last six months. They build me up, reassure me and remind me of what truly is important. For that, I am forever grateful. 

Getting (My Family) Ready for a Girls Road Trip

So excited for my girls trip coming up tomorrow. I am headed to Oregon for my little sisters collage graduation. So proud of her (way to go chicka!). I've been looking forward to it all week but also realize it is a lot to have The Gent home with the kids for five full days. So, I tried to make it as easy on him as possible. Here are a few things I did to hopefully make it easier for The Gent.

 Homemade pumpkin apple muffins

 Homemade french bread

 Outfits for the kids all laid out

 Girls hairstyle lessons for The Gent

(quite entertaining for me and he is such a good sport)

 The Girl so excited to have her dad do her hair

 Coke Zero for The Gent's sanity

 Hidden message written in Sharpie for when it is empty that says, "Don't worry, there is a backup stash in the pantry. Love you"

 Breakfast in the crockpot

A little gift for The Gent with a few of his favorite things 

(even though we celebrated Father's Day a week early, I didn't want The Gent feeling like he wasn't being celebrated on Father's Day)

Hopefully all of the pre-prep makes it easier for my family while I am gone. The Gent is awesome in so many ways but I love that he wanted me to be able to take a girls trip with my aunt and SIL to celebrate my sister's accomplishments.

Oregon, here we come!

Spotlight: Happy Mother's Day, Mom

Happy Mother's Day to all of the wonderful women out there. While I will be celebrating Mother's Day with my little family today, I also wanted to spotlight my mom and all of the wonderful things I have learned from her.  

 Say hi to my mom and dad.

 (My and my older sister with my mom and dad)

I come from a family of 10 (I am the second oldest of 8 kids) and while things always seemed chaotic at our house, my mom always let us invite all of our friends over. There literally must have been 20-25 kids at our house on any given night because it was the hangout place. My mom went with the flow and we have funny stories and memories at our house because of it.

(One of the only coordinated photos of us, I am the back middle.)

My mom is very creative and loves making things. She always let us help her with any project that she was doing whether it be baking, sewing, crafting, painting or photography. She never seemed to be bothered by her 8 helpers and was always excited to teach us something new. While we are both creative in our own regards, I definitely got some of my creativity from her. 

 (7 of the 8, baby sister wasn't born yet, I am the back left and LOVED my bangs. lol)

My mom is a great cook. She was always in the kitchen baking and wasn't afraid to try new things. While we often give her a hard time when we ask for a recipe and it is, "a handful of this, some of that, maybe this or that" I am grateful she taught us to enjoy cooking and trying new things.

The first six kids, I am back right wearing my favorite pink pants of all time with suspenders!)

My mom has an incredible testimony of Jesus Christ and never lets that waiver. The older I get, the more I appreciate the experiences she has had that got her there. She wants the very best for all of her children and in the rare moments that I am really able to talk to her and have deep, meaningful conversations, I get a glimpse of my mom in a different light.

(a photo of 7 of the 8 kids is doing good, I am the back left)

Our most recent family photo (one brother, one sister, my BIL & 3 neices & nephews missing)

Now that my baby sister (who was 2 when I got married and will always be my "baby" sister) is all grown up, I feel like it is a new season for my mom with many wonderful memories to be had.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom!

Missing His Buddy

This is The Boy, about 9 months old, with his cousin, D. The Boy and D love each other and have always had this special little bond. Always.

About a year ago, D and his mom moved to this loverly place in Oregon.

D with his mom

And that is when The Boy began missing his buddy D. Big time. So, earlier this year, we decided to take a road trip to find his buddy D. The Boy didn't care that it was 14 hours in the car. Whenever he wanted to get out, he would ask, "we are going to D's house, right?" and we would reassure him that we were, that it was just a really long drive. And he was peachy keen THE entire drive (seriously the best he has EVER been in the car).

And when we finally got to Oregon. The Boy and D were ecstatic. They were joined at the hip the entire trip.

They had a great time together and even though D had to remind The Boy a few times not to sit right on him or to just let go of him or to let him sleep, they were sad to have to leave each other. And The Boy has wanted to go back ever since. Whenever we are in the car for more than 20 minutes, The Boy will ask if we are going to D's house. And I remind him how far away D's house really is. The Boy misses D. And if we could drive to see D every weekend we would because The Boy and D love each other so much and really wish they weren't so far away from each other because then they could have movie nights every weekend and they could call each other up at the last minute and go to dinner and they could hang out until they both just fell asleep on the couch.

And so could their moms.

Ups & Downs

This is our adoption pass along card which I am in love with even though I realize The Girl has changed so much in the little amount of time since I took that picture.

We should be old pros at this adoption stuff after two fabulous adoptions, right!?!?!?! That's what I thought too. I'm feeling like an adoption newbie since calling the adoption agency to get our "official" paperwork going. Man oh man. And I am also realizing that we got the sweetened condensed version of the paperwork with The Girl's adoption and in my mind, I thought that's what we would be getting again. Simple as pie. Get the papers, take a few days to "update" everything and walla. Good to go. We filled out everything in a day or two for The Girl's adoption and it seemed as though it couldn't be simpler. So, when The Gent said, "why not go get the paperwork when we are doing all of this other stuff anyways" I didn't think twice about it. I just did it. Why not?!?!?! Now I realize why not. Because now I am stressing out! lol Who knew that I would feel so many different emotions since we turned in our first bit of paperwork. We know we should be doing this right now but I can't help but feel torn. For oh so many reasons that I wish I could make sense of right now.

I am also coming to a strange realization that while there are so many people who are completely and utterly excited that we are pursuing adoption again that there are more than I'd like to admit that question why. Whether it be that we already have two and should be "happy" with that or because there are so many other families out there with no children who would just love one, or because there are many a days where we feel a bit scattered and crazy. And while I know that their opinions and thoughts on the matter really don't change the fact that The Gent and I know this is what we are supposed to be doing right now, I can't help but wonder if it would be different if I were pregnant with our third child. Would people say these things still? I can't help but feel like they wouldn't. They would be happy, excited, delighted and never question the reasons and thoughts behind why we decided to get pregnant again so why question the feelings and promptings that we have had that we are supposed to continue growing our family through adoption. I guess this is when my little infertility friend gets the better part of me. And I just need a little pity party about it sometimes. So please just indulge me for a minute.

There are many days that I just wish my body would figure things out. Why am I just broken? Yet at the same time after so many years of doctor's visits and negative pregnancy tests at this point I feel like the biggest idiot for even stopping to imagine what that might be like. I really try not to dwell on that but it creeps in as we go through the entire process of hoping to adopt and thinking how nice it might be to just be able to get pregnant.

And then the guilt sets in because I know in my heart that doesn't matter one bit. I have two of the most beautiful and amazing children in the entire world because of the greatest, selfless love of their birth parents (We love you Dee, Lys & P!). Their adoptions are some of the most spiritual experiences that I have and probably will ever experience in my entire life. And the things that The Gent and I have experienced together through infertility and adoption are the things that have truly defined our relationship and brought us closer together. We don't expect everyone to understand those experiences because they are personal to us. Because of them, I thought my little infertility friend had maybe taken on a new, friendlier form. I guess not.

As we continue our adoption journey, we are aware that there are so many different scenarios that could happen. The Boy & The Girl's adoptions were both so different. There were so many reasons that we waited three years for The Boy to join our family (none of which I realized while waiting for him). Yet we were supposed to put our adoption papers in when we did (for so many reasons other than the fact that we wanted a family). And there were so many different reasons that The Girl came when and how she did (the two week whirlwind that started the night before our cruise for our ten year anniversary that I know I have yet to write about). They both happened when and how they were supposed to. While we don't know what to expect or how long it might take, we do know that we need to follow the feelings and promptings we have when they come and do everything we can to allow it to happen.

In the brief, quiet moments that I have to myself, I find myself crying thinking about it. I am afraid. At the same time, the Spirit is so strong and is letting me know that everything is going to be OK and I know without a doubt that we need to be doing this right now. I just need to focus and not let my worries, thoughts and fears get the better part of me.

Geneology

I have been trying to decide what to post, whether or not to even post about this but since I am THE worst journal keeper ever these days, I am opting to post something, even if it is vague just to have something written down more for myself than anything.


I have never been one to get into geneology at all. AT. ALL. I leave that to my mom. She loves it. It intrigues her. It's by far, her favorite thing to do. I never get into it. Ever. I have always wondered why she loves it so much, why all of her free time is devoted to it and why she can remember tiny little details and stories from these peoples lives when she can't remember where she put her glasses (sorry mom, but it's true :-).


I was able to experience just a glimpse of what it must be like for her as we went to the temple with some of the family names that she had completed through her geneology. My mom always makes sure that the temple work for those people she has done the family history on is completed. She told me that while that is important to her it is really the searching, finding, family history that she loves about geneology (you know that part that I just can not get into, yeah, that part). But I couldn't help but get into the most important part (if you are asking me). Josephine Cooper gave me that experience (I am going to ask my mom for a picture, I'm sure she looks just like I have pictured her too although she's in color in my mind and in 1870 well, maybe there isn't even a picture). Anyways, that is the person's name my mom gave me and said she really wanted me to have. And so I did. It was overwhelming. It was something I was priveleged to play a small part in.

I wish I had ironed my dress.

I wish I hadn't gotten ready in such a rush.

I wish I had not treated it like something I do every day

(not that I go to the temple every day but you know what I mean)

I wish I had thought more about the meaning of all of it.

Not for me but for her.

Please accept my apologies Josephine.

Go Skate!

We went ice skating for my brother's birthday a few weeks ago and the boy thought it was just the coolest thing ever. My brother's were so good about taking him around. By the end of the night The Boy didn't want to leave. He has figured out how to balance and walk on the ice skates and was on his way to becoming a pro. The next morning when he woke up, the first thing he asked is if we were going skating again.
He is telling me "don't picture me!"

The Gent would have helped The Boy except that he was just

trying to stay up himself. He totally biffed it and cut his lip open.

Back to Real Life

Here we are. Back from our trip. I'll have to go through all of the pics and post some for you. For now, I'll just give you the top five things we loved about our trip to Oregon.

1) The Scenery. Everywhere you go is just beautiful. We loved the river and the trees. The vineyards and the orchards. The tree farms and the flowers. Everything was just amazingly beautiful and green even though we weren't there during the summer when it is all in bloom.

2) The Safari. It is a drive thru safari where all of the animals roam freely and can walk right up to your car. It was a lot of fun. The drive there. . .well, it was long and wet and we wondered if it would be worth it. It was! The sun came out about 20 minutes after we got there. The kids loved it and so did we.

3) The Van. Totally worth renting. Super nice. When we picked it up it only had 2500 miles on it. Brand new, Dodge Grand Caravan. The Gent wants a mini van now. lol It was perfect for the drive. The kids were so good because one of us sat back there with them and could entertain them. And we could all ride together once we got there which D and The Boy loved!

4) The bridges. So many different kinds and made out of so many different materials. My sister says that she loves to take pictures of the bridges and I can definitely see why. They are everywhere and they were fabulous. Too bad we couldn't stop at every one for pictures. With a car full of kids, sick of driving, stopping for pictures came far and few between :-(

5) Our family :-) L and I have always been so close and when she moved to Oregon we didn't know what to do. Before it was talking on the phone every day, coming over at the spur of the moment and letting the kids play. Now, we talk on the phone sparatically and web cam but it just isn't the same. D and The boy are best buds. I think D will miss The Boy's mauling and hugging every other second. The Boy had to be right by him every step of the way. He had to sit on his lap, give him a hug, kiss him or just touch him every step of the trip and Dariun was just secretly loving, I mean hating it. Dn would tell us every other minute that The Boy wouldn't leave him alone. And it was true! The Boy couldn't get enough of him. It was so good to see them and hang out like we used to. Long drive and all, we're glad we could visit!

We had a great time. I'll bust out the pictures soon! As much fun as it was, we are glad to be home!

Road Trip!

We are headed out of town tomorrow morning to visit my sister in Oregon. We are road trippin it and hoping that we all survived the 13 hour drive (probably more like 18 with all of the stops I know we are going to have to make). The Boy loves driving in the car and can hardly wait to take the "far, far, far drive to see D." He thinks it is going to be great fun. The Girl on the other hand, hates being in the car for even ten minutes. She cries and huffs and puffs and wonders why you aren't holding her when you are right there. Needless to say, I have had a lot, A LOT, of anxiety about the trip. Deep inside me I am so excited. Excited to go to Oregon. Excited to see my sister and my nephew who we haven't seen since they moved to Oregon almost a year ago (which is so long considering we were always together when they were here!). But even with all of those things, the thought of how The Girl might be in the car and wondering if we can survive if she isn't entertained enough have gotten the best of me. I have begun wondering what we were thinking planning this trip. Maybe it would have been worth the money to fly. Sigh. Too late now. All the bags are sitting in the entry way, the rental car is booked and so is the hotel. My sister is waiting (we really are excited to see you :-) and we just hope we survive. I know once we get there we are going to have a great time!

Happy New Year!

Happy Chinese New Year! Today. That's right. I actually had no idea until we decided (sort of a last minute thing) to go to dinner with my aunt and my grandparents. We used to go to this Chinese restaurant up in Bountiful called Joy Luck and were up in Clearfield tonight and decided that would be the perfect place to go for dinner since we were already in the area. Strawberry chicken, here we come!

I guess I should read the small print on my calendar a bit more. All through dinner we kept commenting on how busy it was there tonight. It took us a while to realize it was because of the Chinese New Year (we are all on top of it, aren't we :-). We also realized that they were having a Chinese dragon dancing there at the restaurant. Fun, right? So, even though we had already finished our meals, we decided to wait for the parade thinking that the kids would really love it.

The Girl didn't really mind at all and was swaying and clapping and waving her arms. The Boy on the other hand was completely freaked out. He wanted to get out of there. He told my aunt that he wanted her to turn off the noise and when my grandpa put on his jacket he said he just wanted him to take him home. Since the dragons were dancing through the restaurant, we couldn't really just leave at that moment as we would have gotten ran over. So, here comes the dragon and The Boy freaked! He was hiding and shaking in my lap. I felt so bad. We thought he would love it. Instead, he was terrified.

We ended up heading out at the first chance we got with one more freak out as we walked by the dragon on the way out the door. The whole way home he just kept telling me, "I don't like that dragon. He's scary!" (signing and saying scary for emphasis). Mental note: Pay attention to the Chinese New Year and don't freak The Boy out with the dancing dragons. Feeling oh so bad. And with The Boy's memory, we're sure to hear about it for months.